January 1, 2017
Shameless Self Help
I want to stretch this feeling across the 2017 calendar. I wake up knowing the date. I like knowing the date. It’s the significant number 1 in a long-short stream of 365 to come. And I want to give it meaning, and I do.
So many of the days to come I fear I’ll waste, or just sleep through. And yet I’m so eager not to.
There is a feeling that comes. Often it’s after a long read, or after watching a great film. I get the feeling of calm, and then I feel inspired. Life is simple from there. I was there at times today.
I’m reading a Robert Frost biography and it’s strangely gripping. It’s inspiring me to turn inwards, to work and be humble in that work. He was 38 before any success came his way. And as you read you see that life, the day to day life that I often see as distraction, is the very substance of his art, and mine. My hardships, my longings, my struggle will doubtless be what I return to again and again in my work and my art. So maybe I should relax a little.
I wanted to learn Violin after reading. I wanted to learn to play an instrument.
Lesson: reading so and carefully, though it can be tough pays dividends is all other aspects of your life.
Lesson: I’m beginning to see that dedicated activity of any kind may be the answer to effective work, and more generally a happy life. How you do one activity becomes how you do them all. And you rely on a stregth of habit, rather than the exhaustable stregth of will.
Lesson: Mixed vegetable stir fry for breakfast. Add tomato, kind of like ratatouille.
Idea: learn cool guitar solos.
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Eve (Robert Frost)
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
On the new year
I can’t think what this year holds
So likely to be an imitation of the last
The same ambitions thwarted by long sleeps and muddled mind
I can’t think it good because hope has proven slack and uncharitable
But despair is also tiring.
It seems too trite and boring
So I’ll live by the favour of god, like I said I would
Maybe leave some room for him, a space to keep me lucky
So far my hard work is numbing and disheartening
I’m aware my generation is all me
Is all this desire and hope, slowing
But I’m still so sure of my uniqueness
My hopeful pride
My indomitable self and self-interest
My obsession with success
Whatever that words means I still shake for it off these stubborn branches
And clamber for the fruit
Some messy hands hoping for something sweet
I’ve been spending a lot of time alone lately
I read an essay on Self Reliance
She knows my order with a smile
Something about this in the day light is jarring
Like I don’t want to be seen there
But I read a few pages of a book
Listen to some music
The food is very good
It feels like she gave me a bigger portion of everything
She is very kind.
I think she likes that I come in alone.
we don’t speak, we murmur
I’m not committed to this lunch engagement, or your messy sarcasm
I want to find an ancient peace
And mend my mind to it
I’m sure history will laugh at us
And you too
We are already forget what we say
Because we don’t speak, we murmur
We dressed our fat bodies with pumped up bodies
And calm our hearts with crying
Album Review – BadBadNotGood – IV
I don’t know jazz. I like it but I like it like most people like bread. They know what a sourdough is, but can’t see much difference in a wonder white. This is a good album. It’s creates a good feeling, and the jam based, hip hop esk jazz grew on me. The meandering sound finds coherence in parts, and locks into some stimulating grooves. The lack of familiar hooks forces me to pace down, and gives real power to the repeated hooky parts that shine in a few songs, especially in Confessions Pt II – that’s sick.